25 years later my father has been sober in my 40's now and the damage is plain to see happy hes sober but I have zero happy memories with him once sober he spent all his time in AA even to this day. Cant spend more then 10 minutes with his grand kids and hes ready to go. Only time he stayed longer was to accuse me of sexually abusing his daughter my sister when I was 11 which would have made her 4 and that's why she shoots coke in her veins and is pregnant with her second kid probably another drug dealer. Sorry shit is real here........ Point is we are with you king. We all have dark clouds, its who you can count on to get you through them.
I can relate with you 100% I have spent many days in the same boat. I have so many good things going on I'm my life but I cannot enjoy it for what it us which us beautiful and I'm so lucky 2 healthy kids beautiful wife but WHY. I finally fould a therapist who knows her shit and we traced it down to surprise my drunken fathers physical abuse when brother and I were young we would 0lay have fun like normal kids until we heard him come home play time over so the point of this is to tell you maybe you need your reason and since I found mine it's been easier to deal with those days. I read a boot by Norman Vincent Peal ( Power of Positive Thinking) really helped me too sorry king I would pm if I knew how. I hope you get back to normal buddy.